i am me.

consider my mind blown.

Wow.  Campers arrive TOMORROW.  My mind is completely blown away by these last ten days of staff training.  It’s somewhat ridiculous that it’s over.  I am absolutely pumped for camp to officially start and to minister to these kids alongside my new brothers and sisters in Christ.  Everyone’s said it in multiple ways and I wholeheartedly agree: we have definitely become a tight knit family and although we’ve only known each other for a mere two-ish weeks, it seems like we’ve been friends for years!  God is so amazing in the unity He has brought in this staff.  This weekend has actually been weird as many have gone home and aren’t at camp.  

Through this training period, everyone has grown so very close.  Many have experienced new things for the first time, conquered fears, learned new trades, and made many new friends.  I think it’s awesome how all of our stories differ so greatly, but how Christ is behind each and every one of us coming to Camp Grace this summer.  Saturday, June 4th, we did some climbing on the rock wall and taught the counselors how to properly fit someone in a harness.  Then, we tie-dyed our staff shirts!  Not gonna lie, all of our shirts turned out looking phenomenal :)  the staff then left Camp and came into the exciting town of Macon!  (ok, everyone else was excited to be “going into town”…. :P )  We ate and headed over to Goodwill to do some shopping for funny skit clothes.  That was a whole lot of fun and hilarious to see what everyone ended up getting!  Hopefully I’ll get some pictures up shortly.   Then we headed to my house for some fun at the lake.  It was really nice to just chill with everyone and not have any major responsibilities.  We just swam and rode wave runners and enjoyed each other’s company..  Good stuff.  

During the week after we have been busy bees getting things around Camp ready for Camp and also getting the staff trained on everything they need to know to be the best staffed group at any camp ever :)  But really, we’re so very blessed to have such an awesome group of people coming together to do something huge for Christ this summer!  Leading the group in the Big Zip was one of the most fun and rewarding tasks that I was able to be a part of.  Seriously.  I love my job.  Thursday and Friday, for me was partly spent training my high ropes staff on how to set up the zip and the climbing wall.  So much fun to see them learn and master a new talent of belaying someone on the climbing wall.  It was also a blast to finally get to do a bit of climbing myself!  I am blessed to get a phenomenal group as my lifeguards and ropes course staff..  Gonna be such a good summer.  Friday afternoon was spent almost wholely on vacuuming out the pool.  Man alive, I didn’t expect that to take so long!  It was some good “me” time (all 4-5 hours of it) and I definitely felt accomplished after it was done.  Plus, seeing the staff have so much fun after dinner being able to go and just have some fun swimming and goofing off in it definitely spoke to my heart.  Have I mentioned I love my job??

Friday night we had a campfire..probably the most fitting end to our staff training time.  It was truly amazing to sit back gazing into the flames of the fire as everyone shared their testimonies.  Hearing everyone tell their stories of fear, rebellion, hatred, non-acceptance, hurt, confusion, and lack of love was moving and heartbreaking and would have left anyone feeling empty if each and every one hadn’t ended in the hope, grace, acceptance, assurance, and love of the arms of Christ wrapping around their lives and bringing them through those times of trial into their new life with Him.  It was amazing to hear how everyone ended up sitting around that campfire Friday night and how most didn’t know themselves why they were there except it was where God had called them to served this summer.  SUCH a blessing to be working alongside this group of people.

I looked around the table last night as we ate dinner, family style..  We really are a family.  Even though only a small percentage of us were there, we are a family.  Through trying potstickers for the first time, to dousing our mushing/burnt rice with teriyaki sauce, to everyone getting their two pieces of broccoli..  I love my new brothers and sisters in Christ and couldn’t be more excited for the summer and the things we will fight through and lives we’ll win through and for Christ this summer!!  He is in this and with Him, we can do absolutely anything! :)

Your Grace is just like the Lightning and thunder..

Dang.  Days are already flying by!  How is it that I’m being told it’s late Thursday night?!  It’s nuts.  We finally have all of our staff here, well..all but one girl that will be here Saturday.  The excitement in the air is phenomenal.  I’m continually pumped and re-pumped to do even the most mundane task.  

Yesterday was full of random assignments.  There’s a wedding here this weekend and we have been busy bees getting camp ready for that to take place flawlessly.  Somewhat inconvenient, but a chance to serve none-the-less.  It’s made for some good bonding in our joining of tasks and figuring out, not only how to do things, but how we work together as a team and just learning others work ethic and strengths and weaknesses.  So, most of yesterday was fully of fun tasks along with a trip to Macon for Nathan and I to pick up things needed for camp and to get him a haircut! ha.  Although, the attempt to find a barber shop in Macon proved harder than expected..  Apparently I’m not up on my “this is a black people place” and “this is a white people place” when it comes to quick haircuts for guys..  Go figure.  Anyways, we got back and the staff was full and lively and we had definite good times hanging out and getting to know each other better and on a continually deeper level.  Also, my ‘team’ dominated in games last night..so we’re pretty much awesome.

Today has been pretty straight forward.  Good ol’ classic staff orientation!  We have been busy doing everything from monotonous (but needed) class time to learning and then doing an activity.  Today was also my first moment of “authoritativeness” in my summer position.  It’s always better and easier when you have the activities that everyone loves! :)  Activity of today: the pool.  Got a chance to chat with the whole staff over general rules and then discuss deeper things with Lifeguards.  Seriously!!?!  I love my life!  Finished off the night with some ultimate frisbee and a softball-ish game with a twist (notorious fact of camp life!)..  Love it.

Personally, I’ve been continually meditating on 2 Corinthians 12 where Paul discusses the thorn in his flesh and how it’s a messenger of Satan sento to torment him, but that the Lord said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” and how Paul took that as a way to show off his Savior and Love on the Lord that much more through his weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, and in difficulties.  It’s especially been something that reminds me that I’m NOT always gonna have the right answer or be capable of doing a task or I’m not gonna be the best at something, but I can still give glory to Christ.  This is especially humbling in my leadership position and even more especially in doing ministry not only to the staff but to the kids we’ll be impacting this summer.  I don’t always have to try so hard to hide my weak points and things that hit me or hurt me because Christ’s blood covers that as well..even all the more in those situations.  In chapter 11 of 2 Corinthians Paul says, “If I must boast, I will boast of all the things that show my weakness.  The God and Father of the Lord Jesus, who is to be praised forever, knows that I am not lying.”  Basically, I just love Paul..  

I’m giving the morning devotional of sorts tomorrow and this is what I’m talking on, so thanks for helping me flesh out my thoughts Tumblr world! :)

Oh Jesus, keep reassuring me; I’m yearning to be the entity that You want me to be.

my God is only as big as I let him be..

Wow.   God has been seriously blowing my mind these past five days.  I moved to Camp Grace officially last Friday.  So far, it’s basically just been a blast.  We got right to work Friday and have been doing so every since.  It’s been the “Uplift” kinda work though, fun work with fellowship and learning about each other.  

Today marks the day that all of our Leadership staff will officially be here!  That excites me like no other.  We’ll finally be complete.  The unity between those of us that are here is wonderful.  I’m pumped to be working with people that are genuinely excited to be here and share my passion for camp ministry and loving on kids and counselors alike.  

My co-worker of sorts for the summer is a pretty awesome guy from Oregon, Nathan.  He’s a lot of fun and I can already tell we’re gonna have a blast together..I guess our personalities just flow really well together.  He’s in charge of games and fun times this summer so I’m excited to work with him during my time away from Lifeguards and Ropes Course fun.  Basically I get to play all summer and get paid for it..SCORE!!  

Darrin, the men’s dean for the summer is super cool.  His passion for the Lord and Evangelism is contagious.  He’s funny because this is his first “camp” experience and so his questions are so genuine you can’t help but smile.  Also, he’s one of the hardest working guys I’ve met..definitely a good quality for a summer camp co-worker!  

Marquia, the women’s dean, is just plain awesome.  She just came to camp yesterday and we got to hang out today on a fun little trek to McDonough and back today (oh the joys of the unexpected camp life!)..  Seriously, she’s one of the easiest people to talk to in the world.  We just spend a few hours together running errands and didn’t run out of stories to share where we just loved on our Savior!  Such good stuff!

After just a few days, I’m more than ecstatic for my summer!  God is sooo good and his timing and placement is perfect.  He’s been proving Himself time and time again in my life and in the lives of everyone around me.  We’re all living miracles and our stories are testimonies to that.  

I WILL NOT LIMIT MY GOD WITH MY DISBELIEF. 

I WILL NOT LIMIT MY GOD WITH UNCERTAINTY. 

that’s who I was not who I am

The next few weeks I plan to:

• play racquetball for the first time.
• play tennis.
• go to six flags.
• go to a braves game.
• go camping (potentially)
• go hang out at high falls/hike (possibly along with above plan)
• be awesome [check]

If you’d like to be a part of any of this, just let me know.  Because you should.

Life if moving super fast.  I have just over two weeks until I’m at Camp Grace for the summer!  I’m definitely pumped about this, but it’s kinda freaking me out at the same time.  In no way am I freaked out by my actual responsibilities for the summer, but more along the lines of once that happens I KNOW life is going to become a turbo-speed-monster-of-zooming-ness.  *shrugs.  It’s just one of those things that I know.  Ok, so my responsibilities are pretty epic, and I definitely have my moments of “what am I getting myself into?” along with “I’m so freaking excited”.. but really.  I will be going to Camp Grace starting May 31st (officially).  I know it’s going to be a good summer, and I know it’s where God wants me and has called me to serve.  Sometimes though, I feel super inadequate.  I feel unprepared and unworthy.  

Inadequate: insufficient for a purpose.

It’s not as much that I feel inadequate in the sense of I’m not capable of fulling the task of my job, because I’m confident I’ll do just fine.  It’s just that I feel “insufficient for a purpose.”  I feel this way physically.  I’m aware I’m not the most fit human being.  I could be skinnier and in better shape, which would allow me to do my job that much better.  I feel this way spiritually.  I’ve grown SO much in the past few years, but mostly and especially this past year.  BUT.  There’s still soo much I have to learn and to this day I still question things, myself.  I’m worried that I’ll have a child come up to me with a question that I’m unable to answer..  And I know “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle” and “He’ll give me the words to say” and blah blah blah, but it doesn’t make me feel any less inadequate, mainly because I feel like I could have better prepared myself and done a better job in that area and I haven’t.  

Unprepared: not properly expectant, organized, or equipped; not made ready.

I feel this way spiritually.  As I said I feel as though I could have done a better job at studying God’s word and spending time with my savior.  If so, I would have been much better prepared for ANY kind of leadership role at a camp, but especially since, mentally, I’m treating this as a ministry (as it is).  There are still things I need to do job-wise and things I need to order to be the most prepared I can be for my position.  There are also things I’m needing that I can’t necessarily do for myself, but that need to be done.  It’s all very complicated, but still makes me feel unprepared, in a way..

Unworthy: not deserving.

I absolutely feel unworthy.  I feel unworthy to even be offered such a position that I have not only been offered, but been capable of accepting and with the Grace of God, fulfilling it.  I feel very blessed to have the opportunity.

On top of all of this, after the summer, I’ll only have about 2 weeks at home before I’ll be headed up to Ohio for school.  THAT’S stressful.  If I wasn’t feeling unprepared for the summer, I feel unprepared for the summer to come because I haven’t figured everything out that I need to to adequately prepare myself for moving!  Also, I feel unworthy for THAT opportunity and for the scholarships I have received that even give me the ability to head up there!  

Overall, I’m PUMPED for my future.  For the summer.  For the fall.  For anything and everything that is ahead.  Bring it.